“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.” Isaac Newton
We have so much information readily available to us through the internet and multiple other sources, it is sometimes hard to separate the valuable from the vacuous. We know through various studies that our brain changes, either positively or negatively, based on our experiences which includes our reading and learning.
The following are, in my opinion, valuable sources listed under relevant headings:
1. The Examined Life
Socrates said – “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Many of the great Greek and Roman philosophers spent their lives trying to understand human nature. One of my favourites in that regard is Marcus Aurelius who was also emperor of Rome. His reflections on human issues in his “Meditations” sketched out the essential traits of human character and describe ways of coping with adversity.
2. The Importance of Meaning in our Lives
In a study on happiness published in 2013 in the Proceeding of the National Academy of Science (PNAS) the authors wrote “Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided “
My favourite book on this topic is by Victor Frankl and is called “Man’s Search for Meaning”
Victor Frankl is an internationally renowned psychiatrist who endured years of unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps. At the core of his psychotherapy is the belief that man’s primary motivational force is his search for meaning.
3. Understanding the Power of the Subconscious Mind
“The subconscious is ceaselessly murmuring, and it is by listening to these murmurs that one hears the truth.” Gaston Bachelard
We have learnt so much in the past 20 years about the human brain and everything points to the fact that the unconscious mind is the place where most of the brain workings takes place, including most of our decision making and also where character is formed. Read David Brooks very readable book, written in 2011, called “The Social Animal” and gain a real understanding of how our subconscious drives our lives.
4. Why Emotional Intelligence is more important than IQ
“ If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” Daniel Goleman
Although Daniel Goleman is undoubtedly the author who brought emotional intelligence to us as a core concept I would recommend reading Dr.Martyn Newman’s book called “Emotional Capitalists” as I think it is more readable and practical in its approach.
5. Being Positive
“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” William James
Besides the obvious emotional benefit to ourselves and those around us, we know now that being positive will prolong our life. We also know from that great psychologist Martin Seligman who started the Positive Psychology movement that we can do a lot to create a positive frame of mind.
I would recommend “ Flourish” by Dr.Seligman and/or a visit to his website: http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.” ― Nelson Mandela
We all face challenges and conflicts, though some people seem to get more than their fair share. It is how we deal with these hurdles in our lives often is the difference in leading a successful fulfilling life or in failing to achieve our potential as humans.
I found the book by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte called “The Resilience Factor” useful in understanding how resilience affects our lives and gives us a sense of our own resilience.
On the other hand a book called “ Chasing Dayllight” by Eugene O’Kelly was inspiring in demonstrating that, even in the face of death, how someone responds to events makes all the difference.
“Spirituality is that which gives meaning to one’s life and draws one to transcend oneself. Spirituality is a broader concept than religion, although that is one expression of spirituality. Other expressions include prayer, meditation, interactions with others or nature, and relationship with God or a higher power.” ( Burkhardt, M.)
I could refer back to the ‘Importance of Meaning in our Lives’ as many find this through religion or other spiritual routes but I wanted to include a separate section on this. Identifying your spiritual path is a very personal issue but also a very important one to maintaining a balanced life. Two of my personal favourite books in this regard “Anam Cara” by John O’Donoghue and “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran.
When people get together in groups, unusual things can happen – both good and bad. Most of us are aware of the groupthink psychological phenomenon that occurs, within a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome.
There is, however, an even more sinister aspect – belonging to a group makes people more likely to act contrary to their own personal moral standards. A recently reported MIT study found ‘groups’ will often engage in actions that that are outside the private moral standards of each individual in that group.
Several factors can play into this transformation including factors like greater anonymity and a diminished sense of responsibility for collective action. However, the MIT study studied a third factor that cognitive scientists believe may be involved in this group dynamic: the hypothesis that when people are in groups, they “loss touch” with their own morals and beliefs and become more likely to do things that they would normally consider as wrong.
In the study the researchers measured brain activity in a part of the brain involved in thinking about oneself. They found that this activity was reduced in some people when the subjects participated in a competition as part of a group, compared with when they competed as individuals. Those people were more likely to ‘harm’ their competitors than people who did not exhibit the decreased brain activity.
Mina Cikara, the lead author of the study explained “This process alone does not account for intergroup conflict: Groups also promote anonymity, diminish personal responsibility, and encourage reframing harmful actions as ‘necessary for the greater good’. Still, these results suggest that, at least, in some cases, explicitly reflecting on one’s own personal moral standards may help to attenuate the influence of ‘mob mentality’.
While these results may explain some of the damaging decisions taken by corporate Boards and other groups that led to disaster in the financial sector in the recent past, the core learning from such a study should be towards guiding policy around group behaviour going forward.
“The individual makes a clear effort to define moral values and principles that have validity and application apart from the authority of the groups of persons holding them and apart from the individual’s own identification with the group.” Lawrence Kohlber
Recent research published in Psychological Science demonstrated that a greater purpose in life consistently predicted a lower mortality risk across the lifespan, showing the same benefit for younger, middle-aged, and older individuals. The research looked at data from over 6000 participants, focusing on their self-reported purpose in life and other psychosocial variables that gauged their positive relations with others and their experience of positive and negative emotions.
Over the 14 year follow-up period 569 participants in the study had died (9% of sample). Those that died had reported lower purpose in life and fewer positive relations than did survivors. Lead researcher Patrick Hill of Carleton University in Canada said ” Our findings point to the fact that finding a direction for life, and setting overarching goals for what you want to achieve can help you actually live longer, regardless of when you find your purpose” This confirms previous studies that suggested that finding a purpose in life extends your lifespan above and beyond other factors that are known to predict longevity.
Purpose had similar benefits for adults regardless of retirement status, a known mortality risk factor. And the longevity benefits of purpose in life held even after other other indicators of psychological well-being, such as positive relations and positive emotions. ” These finds suggest that there’s something unique about finding a purpose that seems to be leading to greater longevity,” says Hill.
In his inspirational book, Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl (1905-1997) wrote about his experience in a concentration camp in Second World War. his experience as a concentration camp inmate taught him that our main drive or motivation in life is neither pleasure (as Freud had stated) nor power (as Adler had thought) but meaning / purpose. For Frankl, meaning or purpose can be found through:
- Creativity or giving something to the world through self-expression,
- Experiencing the world by interacting authentically with our environment and with others,
- Changing our attitude when we are faced with a circumstance or situation that we cannot change.
Frankl is credited with coining the term ‘ Sunday neurosis’ to refer to the dejection that is felt at the end of the working week when a person may realise that their life lacks meaning. This vacuum can lead to all sorts of excesses and compensatory behaviour such as anxiety, avoidance, bingeing on food and/or drink, overworking & overspending.
If you haven’t yet done so, find your purpose or meaning in life. It may change through your lifetime.
” Even more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” Victor Frankl
Back in 1999, Peter Frost and Sandra Robinson wrote an article in Harvard Business Review entitled “The Toxic Handler: Organizational Hero – and Casualty”. They describe ‘toxic handlers’ as the people who ‘manage the pain of others’ at work. They are particularly important and relevant at time of major organisational change such as mergers, acquisitions and company reorganisations. Frost and Robinson interviewed and observed more than 70 executives who were either ‘toxic handlers’ themselves or who have managed people in the role. The authors identified five ways that ‘toxic handlers’ alleviate organisational pain:
- They listen empathetically. They listen with compassion and non-judgementally when staff confront them in anger and frustration.
- They carry the confidences of other. They allow colleagues to off-load and walk away less troubled knowing that their anguished words will be held in confidence.
- They work behind the scenes to prevent pain. They are proactive in working to prevent or reduce organisational pain.
- They reframe difficult messages. The authors provide the example of the ‘toxic handler’ told by his boss to “Tell those idiots to get their act together and finish the job by Friday or else they are all doomed.” Instead the manager brought his staff together and put the boss’s directive as “The boss needs us to complete this task by Friday so let’s put our heads together and see what we need to do to meet the deadline.”
- They suggest solutions. ‘Toxic handlers’ don’t just listen they also work to provide solutions and energise demotivated staff.
This article struck a real cord with me at the time, as I had been directly involved in a large banking merger in the early 90’s and also had spent the previous few years leading some major change projects, involving restructuring and redundancies. I have myself witnessed such ‘toxic handlers’ operate in the financial organisations in which I was employed. They truly are the unsung heroes that can exist at multiple levels in the organisation – from senior leadership roles to junior supervisor positions. As stated in the HBR article these ‘toxic handlers’ are frequently not acknowledged due to the culture of toughness that infuses many organisations and where the highest value is often placed on technical competence.
Emotional intelligence is too often seen as irrelevant – the inaccurate perception being that it doesn’t show up on the bottom line. In business life it can often be seen as weakness for senior executives to show gratitude to those who practice emotional caretaking at work. Raising awareness about the ‘toxic handler’ role, in situations where organisational pain is present, requires explicit acknowledgement of the need for the role and a proper forum for discussion of how it should be supported.
Ultimately, as stated in the article, a critical ingredient of any consciousness-raising about toxic handling is the recognition that effective pain management can- and does – contribute to the bottom line. Training and coaching is crucial for executives in the frontline of significant change initiatives, such as reorganisations, restructuring, downsizing or M&A activities. This should not be of the usual technical variety, but should focus on the emotional competencies required to provide supportive leadership in such environments.
The concluding chapter of the article by Frost and Robinson provides some positive reassurance. They state that when they began their research they expected resistance – even denial – from senior executives. While they indicate that they did find some of that, they more often found executives aware that their organisations spawned anger, sadness, fear and confusion as a matter of course. They say that the predominant feeling unearthed by their research was that of relief as executives indicated that this was the first time they had been able to talk about organisational pain. Emotional pain comes not only from downsizing, bad bosses and change but also accompanies the commitment and passion of individuals striving for excellence.
“In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.” –John Gottman
“Emotions adjust not only our mental but also our bodily states. This way we are prepared to react swiftly to the dangers, but also the opportunities such as pleasurable social interactions present in the environment. Awareness of the corresponding bodily changes may subsequently trigger the conscious emotional sensations, such as the feeling of happiness.”
The above quote is from one of the leaders, Professor Lauri Nummenmaa, of a recent Finnish study which found that most emotions trigger strong bodily sensations which map to different parts of the body, depending on the particular emotion.
This study again reinforces the mind – body relationship and the feedback loop that exists between the two. Embodied cognition, the idea that the mind is not only connected to the body but that the body influences the mind, is one of the more counter-intuitive ideas in cognitive science. In sharp contrast is dualism, a theory of mind famously put forth by Rene Descartes in the 17th century when he claimed that “there is a great difference between mind and body, inasmuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible… the mind or soul of man is entirely different from the body.” In the proceeding centuries, the notion of the disembodied mind flourished. From it, western thought developed two basic ideas: reason is disembodied because the mind is disembodied and reason is transcendent and universal.
Relevant to this and our own success in performing – avoiding feeling anxious in anticipation of tasks such as speaking in public or meeting with a boss. In another recent study by Dr. Alison Brooks of Harvard Business School she discovered that performance anxiety is better dealt with by telling yourself out-loud to get excited rather than to calm down. A number of scenarios were used in the study to induce performance anxiety, including public speaking and it was found that the subjects who used the excitement technique gave longer speeches and were more persuasive, competent and relaxed.
“The way we talk about our feeling has a strong influence on how we actually feel.” Dr. Alison Brooks
Fear of poor performance is a “state of arousal” that is closer to the state of excitement than to the feeling of calm. Thus it is better to view anxiety as excitement rather than trying to calm down to combat performance anxiety. Individuals can reappraise anxiety as excitement using minimal strategies such as self-talk (e.g., saying “I am excited” out loud) or simple messages (e.g., “get excited”), which lead them to feel more excited, adopt an opportunity mind-set (as opposed to a threat mind-set), and improve their subsequent performance,